


Double-Oh Macy!!!

by ciaan



Category: JONAS
Genre: Crack, Gen, Secret Agent, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-16
Updated: 2010-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-06 08:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciaan/pseuds/ciaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Macy is given her first secret agent assignment: stop Nick from destroying the world. But how can she beat anyone as cute as JONAS?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double-Oh Macy!!!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lizzen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzen/gifts).



> When I saw this prompt, I totally laughed because I had already posted some about my theories on the subject (http://ciaan.livejournal.com/361819.html). So then I wrote this.
> 
> Though I stole bits and pieces of things from various places, this isn't rrrrrreally a crossover.

Macy had always been athletic - she was only clumsy when she was around a JONAS - so it was no surprise to her when she scored high on the D.E.B.S. test. She was also smarter than most people thought.

She was more surprised than most to hear that the members of JONAS had all gone into hiding, but maybe less surprised than most to hear why. It all started with Kevin's plan to save a cute animal from destruction - apparently deforestation in Madagascar or somewhere was going to kill off a rare subspecies of lemur or something. But the plan went awry and some instructions were garbled and a million people around Madison, Wisconsin paid the price, while the lemurs went unsaved.

Then when Joe tried to bake a cake with a hacksaw in it to break Kevin out of jail, two million dollars worth of property damage ensued.

Now JONAS had dropped off the radar, though rumors abounded in the blogosphere of a hidden underground lair some place. (Hey, she was classified, not totally out of the loop.)

So Macy was a little surprised on graduation day when she was given her first assignment.

"You want me to do what?!? Stop Nick of JONAS from holding the world hostage?"

"Yes. Ten minutes ago all the governments of the world received a demand for ten billion dollars, a new contract for twenty albums, five tons of chocolate pudding, the construction of a wombat sanctuary on each continent, and a hair iron. If they don't deliver by midnight, every major city on the planet will be fried by Nick's giant orbiting laser guns. Five minutes ago, a ghost town in Montana was destroyed as a demonstration."

Macy took one look at the photo of the smoking crater and asked, "Midnight which time zone?"

"UTC. So you have six hours, twenty-seven minutes, and… forty seconds to stop this and save the world. We're giving you our fastest jet. Good luck."

"Just me, no backup?"

"Yes, because you know more about JONAS than any of our other operatives. And this is a situation where a quick, surgical strike will be more effective than a large force."

Macy wasn't necessarily so sure about that, but they didn't listen to her protests as they herded her down to the jet.

She sat in the pilot seat, smoothing down her miniskirt and straightening her plaid vest. "But… I can't fight JONAS!" she whispered to herself. Then she nodded firmly. "I have to. I have to save the world." Nick didn't bluff, and he was going to be a lot more effective at this than Kevin and Joe. "So I guess this is it. From #1 JONAS fan to their archenemy. Well, boys, this will be much worse for you than getting your clothes ripped off." She glanced around, and a stain on the carpet looked kinda like Nick's hair. She ground her high heel into it. "Prepare to meet your match, JONAS. No, prepare to meet your DOOM." Her hands tightened on the controller as she lifted the plane up off the runway.

The blog reports and forum posts describing sightings were concentrated in the Midwest, so she circled over Area 51, Cheyenne Mountain, etc, and saw nothing.

Then she called Stella.

"Macy!" Stella squealed. "Didn't you graduate today? Congrats! How does it feel?"

"Thanks! It feels awesome. But Stella, I'm calling about something really important. Do you know where Nick is?"

Stella laughed. "You never change, do you? I don't know, all Joe said last time he called was that Nick's ego was getting out of hand, but he actually had found someone with a bigger head than him."

"Oh, okay. And girl, I don't know whether to tell you to turn on the news or not to turn on the news. I'll call you back as soon as I can."

Macy hung up and turned the plane around.

Sure enough, when she flew over Mount Rushmore, she saw the subtle indications of a secret entrance to an underground lair. There was a faint JONAS logo carved behind George Washington's ear. Macy found the disguised keypad and typed in the combination - the release date for JONAS's first single. The door opened.

She descended the stairs, somersaulting through the laser alarms and swinging over the pit of piranhas using her belt, and when she got near the bottom she heard voices.

"-don't know why you won't use the hair iron I built," Kevin was saying.

"Because it burned my hair last time," Joe answered. "And Nick refuses to work on it."

"I have other things I need to get done today," Nick said.

Macy peeked around the corner and saw a room full of computer equipment. The three boys were seated around a large table covered in world maps and huge smoothie cups. They all looked so cute - Joe's hair was in curls (gorgeous, not burned at all), Kevin was wearing a long white lab coat and an adorable grin, and Nick was staring down at the maps, chin in hand, soulful expression in his eyes. Kevin reached down and stroked the wombat sitting in his lap.

Macy pulled out a capsule of sleeping gas disguised as a pen. She clicked the little button and tossed the pen at the table.

Without even looking up, Nick's hand shot out and he snatched the pen from the air, disarming the clicker again.

"We have an intruder," he said.

Heart pounding, Macy stepped around the corner and stumbled down into the room. All three boys turned their full attention on her. She had to fight down the urge to squeal.

"Hi, Macy!" Joe and Kevin shouted, waving. Nick seemed to be examining her carefully, his gaze roaming up and down her. Macy could feel herself flushing.

"So," Nick said, "what brings you here, our debonair friend?"

Straightening her shoulders, Macy answered, her voice firm. "I'm here to stop you from destroying the world, Nick of JONAS. And Joe of JONAS, and Kevin of JONAS. Just because you're musical geniuses of catchy pop and the cutest boys in existence doesn't mean you can get away with this."

"Awww, Macy!" Kevin clutched his hands in front of his heart.

"You're so sweet," Joe said, grinning at her.

Nick waved his arm at his brothers. "Quiet!" He kept staring at Macy. "There's nothing you can do to stop me. Us, stop us."

"Oh, I'll stop you."

"Or…" Nick batted his eyelashes, and her knees melted. "You could get what you always wanted. You could sing backup on JONAS's next song."

This was her chance! Macy had been practicing a lot. Very privately, so no one knew about it.

"Really???" she asked. "Could we work on it now?"

She saw all three boys wince, but she ignored that. "Sure," Nick answered, while Kevin and Joe flailed around in wild negative gesticulations. She ignored those, too.

"I'll show you what I can do!"

Macy opened her mouth and started singing JONAS's latest hit.

After the first line, all three boys were on the ground, hands over their ears, writhing. The wombat ran out the back door.

After the high note at the end of the second line, all the computers in the diabolical control room shattered. Smoke rose from the big red button. Everything that was connected to the lasers, allowing Nick to fire them, was destroyed.

Macy had been practicing, indeed. Her voice was amazing and even though she couldn't sing backup for JONAS, she was saving the world and doing great things. That was an even better dream to have.


End file.
